There is a West African proverb that goes, "The man who tries to walk two roads will split his pants." The sermon today is very much about a choice between two roads. Often we try to avoid decisions as long as we can, but to wait too long will result in split pants, and no one wants that. The choice that faces us is between the right road and the wrong road.
At the end of the previous chapter we are told something about the character of the early church. Those first believers were so overwhelmed with the goodness of God in their lives, with how much he had given them, that they were moved to give to others. And so they all shared their possessions with one another. The result was that there was no poverty in the participants of that first church. For instance, a man called Barnabus, sold a farm that he had and gave the money to the apostles for those who were in need. That's what the understanding of God's grace can do to a person.
But not everyone was so charitable or benevolent.
1 But a man named Ananias, with the consent of his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property; 2 with his wife's knowledge, he kept back some of the proceeds, and brought only a part and laid it at the apostles' feet. 3 "Ananias," Peter asked, "why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back part of the proceeds of the land? 4 While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, were not the proceeds at your disposal? How is it that you have contrived this deed in your heart? You did not lie to us but to God!" 5 Now when Ananias heard these words, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard of it. 6 The young men came and wrapped up his body, then carried him out and buried him. 7 After an interval of about three hours his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter said to her, "Tell me whether you and your husband sold the land for such and such a price." And she said, "Yes, that was the price." 9 Then Peter said to her, "How is it that you have agreed together to put the Spirit of the Lord to the test? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out." 10 Immediately she fell down at his feet and died. When the young men came in they found her dead, so they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 And great fear seized the whole church and all who heard of these things.
Ananias and Sapphira sold a field and gave some of the money to the apostles, just as Barnabus did. That was fine. There was nothing wrong with giving a part and keeping a part. But they blatantly lied to the apostles, and said that they were giving the entire amount. They even conspired to lie to the apostles, who were God's representatives. But the Spirit revealed their duplicity. When confronted with their deeds, they died from the shock and the guilt. The sin had caught up with them. The story of Ananias and Sapphira is not in the Bible as a positive example for us. They stand as a reminder of our sinfulness and self-seeking, those parts of us that violate the fellowship of the church. Their sins were not just sins against God, and not just against the apostles, but also against the spiritual community of the church.
If you were there or you knew them, you would have to ask the question, What was it that made them do it? What were they after?
I believe that they wanted the public attention. They wanted everyone to notice their generosity and tell them how wonderful they were. They were people-pleasers. They likely saw the reaction that Barnabus got for his gift and they wanted the same acclaim and honor. However, they didn't want to actually give the entire gift as he did, so they just lied and said that they did, figuring that no one in the church would be any the wiser.
How many of us are people pleasers? Maybe you never got the approval of a parent and so you looked for approval wherever you could get it. Maybe you learned at a young age, that if you acted in a certain way, if you excelled at school or in sports than people would like you. With their approval, you felt wanted. Their approval kept you from feeling lonely or insignificant. And so you have made a pattern in your life of accommodating yourself to others. Maybe you fear the rejection of others. If someone asks you to do something, you answer "yes" before thinking about it, because you know that is the answer that they want to hear. You don't want to disappoint. If any of these things are true of you, you are likely a people pleaser. You go out of your way to win the approval of others.
However, like most of our coping mechanisms, trying to please people is not the fast track to happiness. The payoff can be quite temporary.
A recent study on relationships reported on livescience.com suggests that the best "catches" in dating land may be the worst choices in the long-run. It found that people who monitor themselves closely in social situations, constantly aware of how they are being perceived, show less satisfaction and commitment in relationships than those who are less aware and therefore more socially awkward. In the study, these people pleasers are called "self-monitors.""High self-monitors are social chameleons," said Northwestern University professor of communication studies Michael E. Roloff." And, because they're quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say things upsetting to others, they are generally well-liked and sought after."Self-monitoring is often a helpful attribute. Knowing how other people perceive you can allow to you change your behavior and so you can get ahead faster. But there’s a downside for these self-aware folks when it comes to their romantic relationships. The problem seems to be that they can't turn the self-monitoring off. If you are always presenting the happy face people want to see, it is hard for people to see the real you. So, people you are close to might feel in the dark about your true feelings and commitments.
We all want to have strong and authentic relationships with other people, since it is ultimately relationships that make like meaningful. So often the biggest thing hindering our relationships is ourselves. If we try too hard to win other people's approval, we come out losers.
There is actually a great picture for what we should strive for nowhere else than on American Idol. If you think of the three judges, Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell you have three personality types. Simon is truthful, but to the point of being aggressive and careless of other people. Not a great model. Paula Abdul is the people pleaser. She never wants to tell people that they aren't good enough, even though she thinks it. It is Randy Jackson who is both truthful and gracious. This is a good model for us to follow. We need to be true to the truth and still be gracious. For some people, might decide that they only have an obligation to the truth (as they see it) and stomp on other people's feelings. They decide that they are justified in being like Simon. More people are like Paula -- never wanting to let anyone down, even getting resentful because other people are not as sensitive as they are. But I want to suggest that we should be like Randy.
But this would be a start, but there is more that we need to know if we want to have good relationships with others--please God. Ananias and Sapphira tried to please people. In Acts 5 the actions of the apostles stand in the sharpest contrast to this couple. The apostles didn't try to make everyone like them. They were focused on God.
See, in theses early days of the church the apostles were doing many signs and wonders, which were drawing the crowds and to those crowds they were preaching about how God raised Jesus from the dead. This was not sitting well with the religious leaders. They were supposed to be the arbiters of spiritual things. People were to look to them for guidance and knowledge about how God works. They were to focus on the temple.
Predictably, they didn't like it one bit that the disciples were gaining the attention of the people and were subverting their authority and their prominent positions. So, the high priest did what all insecure people in power would do, he had them arrested. They threw them in the brink. They would have a hard time continuing their activities from the slammer. This would be the end.
But God had other plans. In the middle of the night, an angel opened the gates and they walked free. The angel then charged them, "Go, stand in the temple and tell the people the whole message about this life." So they went and continued preaching.
What happened next was a situation that was fit for a sitcom. The next morning the chief priests and leaders gathered together in this formal court with all manner of formality. When they were all situated they sent for the apostles from the jail, they weren't there. The jail was locked up tight. The guards were there, but no prisoners. You can imagine the embarrassment and confusion. And before they can decide what to do, they learn that the apostles are not in prison. They are not on the run, nor are they in hiding. They are in the most public place--in the temple--preaching! This is awkward!
So they dispatch the guards and the apostles are brought in. They are questioned and reprimanded for continuing to preach even when they were instructed otherwise. But their response is plain and to the point. Verse 29:
But Peter and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than any human authority."
The apostles are not looking to please people or even the powers-that-be. Their sole focus is on pleasing God and obeying him. They have no concern for what it will cost them. They have received grace, so they don't need popularity.
The good news that they were proclaiming was that what God offered to everyone in Jesus was total acceptance. If you have faith in Christ, then God loves you with the same love that he loves his Son. We have been given the same standing before God. This is what the Bible calls being justified. It means that we have been made right, not because of our own goodness. Actually, it is in spite of our goodness. We have God's total acceptance.
The disciples were not only proclaiming this truth, they had come to accept it and believe it with their whole being. They didn't need to please people because they were already pleasing to God. They had his blessing and his stamp of approval. Therefore, they were freed from always trying to win the approval of others. The didn't have to be paralyzed by the prospect of being embarrassed or ridiculed. They could serve God fully and do whatever he wanted them to do in complete freedom and confidence. We see this in their actions. In verse 42 it says:
42 And every day in the temple and at home they did not cease to teach and proclaim Jesus as the Messiah.
No matter the opposition they were going to do what was pleasing to God.
Would you believe that this is also the secret to great relationships? Please God first and look for his acceptance. Why is this the secret for quality relationships? Because this is how God designed us. His design and purpose for us was to look to him for attention and approval. His intent was that he, the Creator, would be the center of our lives. It was our sin to turn away from him. We are the ones who choose to look to other people to fill the space in our hearts that only God can fill. And of course, they can not fill it. That is why we end up feeling empty. That is why we try to use other people to meet our needs, when there is no way that they could fill the hole in our hearts that God was meant to fill.
There is a song that I love by singer/songwriter David Wilcox where he expresses his frustration with hitting a wall in his marriage:
I try so hard to please youTo be the love that fills you upI try to pour on sweet affection,But I think you got a broken cup.Because you can't believe I love youI try to tell you that there is no doubt,But as soon as I fill you with all I've gotThat little break will let it run right out.I cannot make you happy.I'm learning love and money never doBut I can pour myself out 'til I'm emptyTrying to be just who you'd want me to.But I cannot make you happyEven though our love is trueFor there's a break in the cup that holds loveInside of you.
The truth that he is expressing is that we all have this God-shaped hold in our lives and no other person could fill it -- not a husband, a wife, or a child. Trying to win others' acceptance or approval can never work. Nor can we complete anyone else with our love, for their hearts are broken too. We can only look to God, the source of all love. Wilcox concludes this song with these words:
We cannot trade empty for emptyWe must go to the waterfallFor there's a break in the cup that holds love,A break in the cup that holds love,A break in the cup that holds love,Inside us all. Inside us all.
Pleasing other people, trying to win their approval is a losing game. You will give everything you've got but come up short. Only God can fill us. Only his approval is permanent. To all who are in Jesus he make us his children, part of his spiritual family. And there is nothing that can tear us out of his divine embrace.